The Reverse Sampson

This is me. I'm bald. (Just trust me. I'm from the future. I'm bald under that hat.) I'm bald partially by my own choosing, and partly thanks to alopecia. I've been shaving my head since July 2018, and I don't see myself stopping anytime soon for one reason.

I'm a superhero now.

Since I've starting shaving, I haven't been sick. Not a cold. Not the flu. Even my seasonal spring allergies were muted. This can only mean one of two things: 1) Hair is dirty and makes people sick and doctors just aren't telling us, or 2) I'm a superhero. Obviously, it must be the latter.

Perhaps, I've just had a string of good health, and I'm due for a bout of the coronavirus. Or perhaps I'm onto something here. Imagine if, instead of one-piece silver jumpsuits, everyone in the future is bald because I discovered shaving your head gives you superhuman health. People would live longer. Health insurance would cost less. Pharmaceutical companies would stop advertising their happy pills on TV. (Oh the humanity!)

So, if you want to be a superhero like me (and get a jump-start on future fashion), shave your head. It's also great summer air conditioning. Just don't forget the sunblock.